Fear

I once felt returning to college was brave.
I made it a mantra: “I won't be afraid.”
Well, irony courted is irony raised.
I fear I can only keep missing those days.
In school I found comfort in class and myself
To the point I feared leaving to do something else.
My subconscious took action by putting things off,
So my stay will be four years, not three like I thought.
Though that didn't solve much, it worried me so
That now I'm as fearful to stay as to go,
and now that my haven's been poisoned with doubt
I'm faced with the fear that the world will find out.
My finances could quickly bring school to an end,
So I hide from my parents. I hide from my friends,
Most important to hide from? That must be the truth.
To think that I caused this? An unhealing wound.
Fearing past, fearing present, why not fear future too?
Is it wrong to want women years younger than you?
I'm attracted to freshman; what about girls I teach?
Am I some kind of pervert, the worst kind of leach?
I feel, I suspect, when commencement draws near
The one thing I won't be afraid of is fear.