My Entire Existence Is Up Here, Buddy!

I know how shuffling evolved from walking,

How people-watching turns into shoe-watching.

I know how hoping turns to hiding,

Or ambition into self-confiding.

I know how mem'ries turn to shame.

I, too, have sought unused parts of my name

As a symbol of self to dispose of, erase.

Let's meet each other where we live—behind a face.

The Truth in Two Lies

I see the smile behind the doubts.

You gave me a chance, and I figured it out,

Had this honor, discov'ring who you'll be someday.

I'm thrilled, though you'll leave me behind on the way.

On the way back, you can always find me.

I haven't got anywhere better to be.

I see the truth and the lie in your smile,

Too kind for contempt when not mixed with denial.

Your grin bears and bares it. When you greet, you grieve

For a time, 'til for better things you, too, shall leave.

Until then, you and I are bound here to remain.

I've no better choices, and you have no say.

The Advice I Wish They'd Give You at Graduation

I wish I could go back and tell you

What you meant to the people you knew.

I wish I could go back and tell you

That I've lived parts of what you've been through.

I wish I could go back and tell you

That everyone and everything they taught you—said—

Will never be enough,

That you must teach yourself to be enough.

I wish I could go back and tell you—

Show you—that it can be done.

I wish I could go back and tell you

That our times were the best of my life,

But I can't.

I wish I could go back and tell you,

But I no longer wish I could go back.

Wisdom from the Top of a Filing Cabinet

I believe ballplayers move like symphony song.
This smile will name no hunger under home sky.
She is hurting my thirsty heart.
Water grows you up.
Rhythm filling me—
Need to fly.

Buy Some Land! Buy Some Land!...

A dealer who goes by Ill Kenny,

Whose rims cost him a beautiful penny,

Parked his customized Caddy

Near an ambitious laddy.

Where he had rims, he hasn't got any.

There but for the Grace of God

There once was a teacher of rot

Who said things that he later forgot.

He read his quoted word

In a paper absurd

and remarked “I like this one a lot!”

The Whole—and Nothing But

I can't quite testify in a court of law

That one year my friend lived on nothing but slaw.

I'm unable to swear on my mother's grave

That I remember every last gift that I gave.

I can't place my hand on the Good Book (or even one that's just okay)

While I tell the story of my biggest Bueller day.

I can't take an oath and tell before a judge

That I drove clear 'cross the country pursuing a grudge,

But cross my heart and hope to die,

I'm not the kind to tell a lie;

I'm a bard.

Refreshing

I suppose I must just not be civilized.

Those few moments that most people prize

Are on my list as just another chore.

I don't care to be clean; I care that my morning or

My evening has a hole in the middle, gored.

I only care that I'm bored.

Living Up To My Ideals

I should have all my grades in, but some work was late.
I should be ready to teach, but I made a mistake.
I should do this better; there's just too much at stake.
I should be grading, but I needed a break.
I should be planning, but I needed my break.
I should enjoy my alone time, but I can't stay awake.

Judgy Juries and Executioners

I'm not even in yet, but soon I'll go out
To face my firing squad, and my doubts.
Sidelong glances from snide eyes explain
Exactly what's wrong with my heart and my brain.
I guess I could change; I guess I could hide;
I guess I could freeze up until I can't think,
But I was born in a snowbank, and raised in the Arctic.
They'll never scare me inside.

The Pleasures and Perils of a Rich Inner Life

I do in fact recall when we first met.

Having nothing to do, and only others to look at,

I told myself a long and winding story about you—

Where you live now, where you came from, what you do,

The origin of every patch on your pied, misshapen hat,

and everything you carry in that bag slung on your back,

The way we met eating fast food, and how we left together,

First for something casual, and then, we thought, forever,

After you resigned yourself to a long and childfree life,

But I couldn't resign myself to the mother-in-law strife.

I thought of asking you to tell me a bit about yourself,

But I figured the story in my head was much more interesting.

That's still the one I'm going with.

The Relativitism and Subjectivity of a Rich Inner Life

Privacy is breath—essential to my life.

I thrive in solace, in that relative quiet.

I could stay in, and have, for days,

Away from the insults and the cliches

and celebrity gossip being hurled.

Plus, I do things with the repeat button

That I would never show the world.

The Advice I Wish They'd Given Me at Graduation, pt. 3

Love is an iron manacle

Forged in the heat of passion.

It binds us to our mistakes,

To unhealthy relationships.

Love is the only reason that I

Have ever spent contiguous hours of time

With someone who makes my nails reach for my eyes,

But over the years, in all of the seasons,

There've been people I liked for explicable reasons.

Spending time with them is something I choose

Despite freedom, despite other things I could do.

God likes me. God likes you.

The Sins of the Researcher

You were incandescent, illuminating, whether you smiled or frowned.

Colors were bolder, sounds were louder, flavors were stronger with you around.

I would have given up life in the sun for you; I would have made the bet

That you wouldn't burn me, that you wouldn't blind me, that you wouldn't even set.

Like all gamblers, I decided what I deserved, and that's what I got.

Like you always do, you left me to wilt, left me laughing, left me to rot.

So many years later, I don't even want to know why I believed you,

But I think I could learn something if I knew the reasons I wanted to.

Hello: My Name Is, or Teacher-Centered Student-Centering

I introduce you to the teacher you've known for half a year,
A replacement of convenience for experience and fear.
I introduce you to the teacher who should know you by now,
A translucent presence who dreams he can wow.
I introduce you to your teacher, who's a snowball in hell
Writing poorly, he would teach you and then hope you write well.
I would like to introduce you to your British Lit teacher,
Who is just about as British as a three-eagle t-shirt.
Now I'll introduce your teacher as a paperweight,
Keeping collected miscellanea safe in the same place,
In charge of intake and allocation,
In hopes the students will learn more from their creations.

Just Limping Through

I lack the skills to teach myself the meaning of life.
I'm a conscientious objector to debating the origin of life.
I have yet to be convinced there exists a purpose of life,
But I could give you a summary of what it's like to be here—
An old injury started pinching and grabbing;
Then I saw my own pain-face in the mirror,
and now, I finally stopped laughing.

Conversion Factor

They hear sexy stories, salty tales;

See girls in wedding dresses.

I just wish that they'd all go home

To make unholy messes.

A Single Step, or Wed, Aug 20

My day cannot be programmed, categorized, or easily referenced,
But it can be summarized.
First, I said "Boom!  My work is done."
Then, I couldn't stop laughing.

I Already Did My Homework!

Love's long-timers, lugubrious students,
Are as committed as an asylum—
They have friends, and don't know where to file 'em.

Mr. and Ms. Right Now

You don't have a past you'd like to erase.
I don't have a particular ambition—
Not the way you see them, as vital, concrete visions—
So I'm betting that I will see it on your face
When you realize we're just counting down to done,
Because I can never be your One True,
and we will only ever be something we do
For fun.

The One True Compliment

If you're looking for love,
Then you're stuck between a stone and a cold place,
and if you're looking for life,
Then you've landed square on the bachelor's pad,
and if you're looking for the One True Compliment,
Then your treasure is in another dungeon,
But I will give you this:
You are exhausting.
Most people aren't.
I will get bored, and walk away,
and not look back,
Long before I'm even breathing hard.

Runner, the Epilogue

You're a small comfort.  I'm a big imposition.
We're a long-running joke about a friendly competition.
We look out for each other.  You look better than fine,
But we aren't in a race toward the same finish line.
I've seen where that track leads.  I know where it ends.
I hope that we're both better off as just friends.

Admiral Akbar Would Dig It

I remember quite vividly being appalled
To find, as a person, I'm subject to fall
For a girl with a mind like a bland tourist trap,
Full of unuseful and bright-colored crap.
As she feigned undisinterest, and I feigned undisgust,
We built a foundationless level of trust.
Having left, I wish her the best, wish her well,
As she builds picket fences 'round other men's hells.

Executive Vision For Dummies

A working definition
Of executive vision:
The courageous conviction
To make a decision
That's a nightmare for everyone.

You had an executive vision,
and my days were halloween:
Dress up and play professional.
But the road to awesome
Doesn't even have an exit at normal,

So stick it in your third eye.

The Other Side of Sensitivity

I have indeed seen the sheath, and the sharpener.
I am a woodsman of the board and the block.
What I mean is that I know right
Where I could put the knife,
But for the moment, I am too kind.

...Said the Metalhead to the Ponce Prince of Pop

Some fast and forceful words, I've wished unsung, unwrote, unsaid—
For their content, or who said them, or the paths down which they led—
But the bland, vanilla pabulum's the lesser by a mile.
A breakfast made without cracking an egg won't make me crack a smile.
That which is of value is by conflict always followed.
That which provokes interest, by definition, must provoke.
Are you too weak to survive the things that shock, annoy, appall?
The truly inoffensive is an insult to us all.

Take Me To Your Leader, Pt. 3

I'm not necessarily averse to having anyone—
I'd just take exile long before everyone,
Before I'd mingle in a mangled menagerie, a human hive.
So instead, I sit, somehow hating and loving a life
On this colossal crumb of a planet where
Having headphones means never having to care.

Communications Are Down (a Poem-in-Dialog)

She said "you have to understand
That I only want what's best for you."
I said "I understand,
I just don't comprehend."
She said "it's easier for people to love you
When you act like other people do."
I said "it's only possible for me to love me
When I'm doing what I love."
She said "some of what you love is bad for you,"
and I said "life is bad for you.
It's just better than the alternatives."