Unknown Subject

Unknown subject is a white male
Age twenty-five to a hundred an six,
Known to laugh aloud in public,
Craving water and a salt-lick,
A documented Sherlock Holmes fanatic,
Somewhat likely to keep his schedule static,
Keeping a hundred rhymes in his head-attic
With three new metaphors, just out of reach,
Known to have strange views and occasionally preach,
Believes Coors light is swill, but will defend your right to drink it,
Hates this poem, but will defend your right to link it.