Thursday, March 7, 2019

Half the Width of a Hair (Between Death and Survivor's Guilt)

I have, in the decades that passed, failed to find
A way to accept or put out of my mind
Mistakes I made half of a lifetime ago
With those whom—if they'd lived—I would no longer know,
For I know that stood long between my fate and theirs
Was a wall made of down half the width of a hair.
I'm only alive because plans go awry,
Because Dave had the same sense of humor as I,
While they're not, because friends believed when they said “I'm okay,”
'Cause I knew I should call, but went on with my day,
Because they helped others instead of themselves,
Because years of professional help didn't help.

The only excuse that I can provide
To be damaged, distracted, and preoccupied
Is I've looked for so long and I've still yet to spy
The tiniest wisp of a good reason why.
Half a lifetime of searching, and still I don't see
Why it had to be them and had not to be me.

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