What Broke the Electric Poet?

There once was a poet online

Whose writing was going just fine

'Til he started to teach,

Which did siphon and leach

Energy, inspiration, and time.

A Limerick Eaten by a Thesaurus

I utilize uncomplicated words when I compose,

Admitting it appears a smidgen mundane and hackneyed.

I scribble what I recognize,

Allow my rectitude to appear,

and I'm confident that I apply the words properly.

Kaepernick Limerick

There once was a baller called Kap

Who sat down with his hands in his lap

While his teammates did stand,

To the ire of fans.

That's his job, which I'd say is a snap.

Rose

I once had a student named Rose
Who liked to touch things with her nose.
She had no sense of smell,
In case you can't tell--
'Til it came back.  That's just how it goes.

Your 2014 Pittsburgh Pirates

Last season, they won despite doubts,

'Til Divisionals, where they bowed out.

Still, their moves this offseason

Sure defy any reason.

A step back? What's that all about?

The Pusillanimous Poet

There was once an American man,

A poet, a flash in the pan,

and when he feels sick,

He stops writing; he quits,

and it frustrates his grandiose plans.

Man from the Sticks

There once was a man from the sticks

Who got fed up with hayseeds and hicks,

So he eats his cheese stinky,

Drinks his tea with raised pinky,

and the opera's where he gets his kicks.

A Pessimist's Pittsburgh Pirates

The old baseball club in the 'Burgh

That for years struggled hitting the curve

Started 2012 fast,

and the pace couldn't last,

But their fanbase, it seems, hasn't learned.

MSU vs. Eastern Washington Limerick #4

Hey, check out directional state!
I bet they're unprepared for their fate.
We'll run over their asses,
Then throw Bleskin some passes,
and the defense will bust Vernon's pate.

MSU vs. Eastern Washington Limerick #3

Pass to Kaufman, to Clarke, Herd, or Talley;
Leave your freshman up 41's alley,
But if you try to run,
The front seven has fun.
When Big Zach's done, backs answer to "Sally."

MSU vs. Eastern Washington Limerick #2

Screaming Eagle thinks his team will win.
I think I'd like to ask him
"How's that passing attack
With V.A. on his back?"
Also, "You want a piece of our vim?"

MSU vs. Eastern Washington Limerick #1

Eastern's mostly ignored in their land,
Hence their hard-bitten, obnoxious fans.
After playing tomorrow,
They'll leave Bozeman in sorrow,
Once the Cats give them all they can stand.

MSU vs. UC Davis Limerick

We get no respect at this school
From TSN or Commissioner Fool.
We just put on our hat
and we knock Davis flat,
So stick that up your targeting rule!

MSU vs. Chadron State Limerick #5

Of receivers, the Cats have a batch.

What Denarius throws, they will catch.

The backs seem to find

Big holes made by the line

and Chadron State is no match.

MSU vs. Chadron State Limerick #4

They can beat you by run or by throw.
Their defense is rarin' to go.
They're the Fighting Bobcats,
Set to kick Chadron's ass.
It's only the score we don't know.

MSU vs. Chadron State Limerick #3

This Thursday, old Montana State
Plays its first ever game that starts late,
Where they'll whale on a patsy
From Chadron, Nebrasky.
I smell championships in their fate!

MSU vs. Chadron State Limerick #2

There once was a Big Human coach
Who a win from a big school could poach.
Against Chadron, he spaced.
Now by Ash he's replaced
And the little schools don't dare approach.

MSU vs. Chadron State Limerick #1

There once was a team from Chadron
With a little white back who could run.
Left defenses fatigued,
Then he left for the League.
Stick a fork in his team, 'cause they're done.

Good Sense

There once was a poet from PIT.
Everything that he wrote turned to ____.
Sonnet-excrement grows
Limericks rank to the nose,
But this man lacks the good sense to quit.

Flukeman

There once was a vicious Flukeman
Who disgusted some X-Files fans.
Mulder made an arrest
At old Skinner's behest,
And they foiled the smoking man's plans.