Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Good Qualities

She'd rather talk to a stranger than me?
But I have lots of good qualities!
I may not look good, but I know how to be bad.
I just never went to her with all that I had.

I'm free with my money, a generous dude,
A dynamite poet who can't carry a tune.
I'm about laugh-a-minute and story-a-day.
In class, I always have something to say.
I'm pretty smart even after that shit that I did.
My mind's too unsettled to ever have kids.
I was kind of an athlete, then my knee fell apart.
They'll remember my name if I finish what I start.

Wait, I've got more! No, that's all I've got?
I guess she was right.  That explains a lot.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Fall and Be Shattered

I can almost remember trust,
Faith that people and life are just,
Before hate.  Broken vows
Aren't the only thing shattered now.

I remember faith in myself.  Belief
In future and worth
Broke down in horror,
But now the questions are routine.

So long I hid holes in my minde.
I could fight as long as my body was fine.
Both parts must fall and be shattered.
Flesh, too, fails me when it matters.

I am not what I once was.
I stand before God and men, broken.
I will never be whole again.

Friday, April 22, 2011

Knowing This

Define me, perhaps:
Pedant, poet, people person?
Pimp, philanderer, porn producer?
Longwinded Linguistic Layabout?

What people know about me
Is what I let them know.
What people know about me
Is what I let them think.

Knowing this,
I know nothing.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Something Different

When I was near you, my stomach was swarming.
Being with you caused personal warming.
The next logical step was habit-forming.

Then from smiling lover to laughing fool:
Our warming habit broke and cooled.

I guess I'll have to try to find
Something different next time.
I'll look for a map, or some sort of help.
I do it wrong when I do it myself.

Better Than to Say

The honeyed time I spent with you
Ends as such things always do.

Yet I have begun to discover
That I have begun to recover
Because I knew better
Than to say "forever."

Playin' the Role

Why should acting
Be one of my fears?
I've been acting a part
For the last fifteen years.

What kind of role
Do I play?  You must ask?
This guy that you know
Isn't me.  That's a fact.

That smile, for one thing,
The smile's a mask.
Short of song, nothing's
As dishonest as that.

Then there's the idea
That I'm a smart guy.
I talk lots, and test well,
But the numbers will lie.

And what can I say
About my faith in God?
If I do, and stop saying,
I'm marked as a fraud.

If none of this reached you,
That's too bad.  I quit.
I made this mask because
I prefer wearing it.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Punt

I don't know how to start,
But I know when to quit.
If there's anything I know,
It's a brush-off when I see it.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Tired

We're not going out tonight,
Alright?
You can tell your girls we went for dinner,
Or don't bother.
I can't wait 'til this is over.

I'm tired of pretending you're her.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

That's Not How I Remember It

On route to Bio 201
A young man says "That night was fun,
We got to dance and got to drink,
We ought to go again, I think."

The girl replies, no, fairly spits,
"That's not how I remember it.
You got too drunk.  You hogged the keg.
You danced too close and grabbed my leg.

You were so loud, so very rude.
I'd rather not repeat that, 'dude'."
The boy says "Don't be such a prude.
You have a total buzzkill 'tude."

"You weren't just buzzed.  Behave yourself.
And spare some buzz for someone else."
Her words, they cut.  His pride was harmed,
And he spared her his further charm.

Eleven Words

Four words I've heard before, but not like that.
Five words make me feel like I'm worth something.
Six words crown me a miniature king,
But seven make me feel like I can do anything.

Eight words changed my life, for better or worse.
Nine words tell me finally I belong.
Ten words are just enough to lift a curse.
Eleven words make a strange, flattering song.

Words will never hurt me, but sometimes they help.
How sweet to hear the things I can't say to myself.

All Romances

What we had was good, for once, but now it's gone.
You didn't let me say "I told you so," or even say "so long,"
But it's nice to say I learned something through mutual travail:
That all romantic stories should be cautionary tales.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Ballad of The Writers Three

A poet swore to unmask the world
And a pitiful man was he.
But in his youth, this man of truth
Was one of writers three.

A novelist was one of them,
An earthy-moraled guy.
One found esteem in academe.
The poet, he is I.

Our stories draw a tale of paths
Spread wide about the earth.
Now look upon the space between
And see what you can learn.

That first friend chose to print on pulp,
A pragmatist was he.
He wrote of violence, sex and mirth,
That holy trinity!

The word is work he would not shirk
As long as it would pay.
And at his keys he'd sit and type
All through the live-long day.

So many series he did write,
Of sexy youths and dames.
The stories were old, those tales he told.
He only changed the names.

The names were those of soldiers, cops
And pirates, pilots, ghosts.
In romance, danger,war or crime
All parties might get lost.

His pen he wielded swift and true.
The market was his lord.
His novels sold 'til he grew old:
The value of his words.

That dough he made, it could not pay
A loyal, loving wife.
He went through four and a string of whores
In his long, prolific life.

But wealth and fame and honored name
Have been enough for him.
The doctors' drugs will ease the pain
For one whose time is slim.

The second writer stayed in school
And dammit, he worked hard.
He studied novels, films and plays,
The poets and the Bard.

His studies drove his writing on,
To subtlety complex.
There is no abstract knot of meaning
A suffix can't correct.

And thus he wrote his thesis,
Unblemished and unflawed.
He plead his book, his written case,
Before the ivory god.

To class at University
He took his expertise.
The books of Homer, Shakespeare, Frost
It was his joy to preach.

This doctor was kept writing
So tenure he would gain.
In class or journal articles
Gilt texts he would make plain.

His pay's a modest sum at best
For house and kids and wife,
But somehow on those green-lined streets
He made himself a life.

He's with his family now, you see,
As he looks to the sky.
And in their warm embrace he'll be
As peacefully he dies.

The poet chose his honest art
Of no apparent use,
After a moment of raw experience
And years of drug abuse.

He cast his pure ambitions wide,
Like some poetic net,
Searching for some greater truth,
Or the closest he could get.

He wrote of friends and wild woods
And matters of the heart.
His ego and his motives pure
Were with him from the start.

He always kept his mind alert,
His notebook, just the same.
He felt that if he wrote enough
He could those wilds tame.

His writing, great in quantity,
Was read by very few.
Not many hear have heard of him.
I haven't.  Now, have you?

He should have seen that coming,
But was surprised instead.
His writing grew by length and breadth
As rarely it was read.

Into the metered rhymes he wrote
He poured his heart, his brain.
Until he felt his essence melt.
Onto his page he drained.

Now all that's left of our poet pure
Are notebooks on a shelf.
In pulling the mask off the mortal world,
It seems he removed himself.

A Moment

I didn't know you.
I still don't.
We could be different,
But we won't.

We were leaving
Before we even met.
Let's be alone
Together for a moment.

Of Libraries

Beloved by a suckling poet,
Here I find my mothers,
The generation before me
From whom I gain strength.
Then, on lined fields,
My strength is tested,
Before entering a keyed arena
Where I can display myself,
Compete on screen.

As a suckling poet
I live whole lives here.
I spend days only
Because I cannot spend the night.

Christmas Rush

The hunger, the Christmas rush to I-must-have-it
Is decried as America's fall to the hell of poor habits.
If you're awake, you pay attention, you know this isn't true.
The ads tell us that's just the thing that we're supposed to do.

Fight or Flight

I thrill to life as fight-or-flight
Speeds me up paths of little gain.
As all of life's great pleasures, it
Invests in future pain.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Sleeve

The twelve shots of rum,
The half-bottle of vodka,
The supernova relationships
(and others, dead in a slow, cold drift),
The acid-and-bile-flavor words,
Those two guys I pulled out of their car,
The knuckles with spiderweb scars:
They are the sleeve where
I wear
My hatred for myself
and Everyone else.