It's Not That I'm Not Here...But I'm Not Going to Answer

Have you ever had one of those days

That turned your mind into a caricature

Of Charles Wayne Dahmer,

Your hands into a caricature of Rocky Ali

and your face into a caricature of a steam locomotive?

Have you had one of those days

That made you crave to be that person

That even when you were at your very worst

You were terrified of becoming?

So yeah, maybe ask again tomorrow.

On Attraction

She has eyes of a color

So rarely seen in nature.

She has a smile.

Oh, she does smile

When she's not so conversational–

Her vocabulary is sensational,

Because she reads all the right books,

and I swear it's not all about the looks,

But whatever lizard lives inside me

Reaches up from below

and wags a finger back and forth.

He says no.

I want to like you, but I don't.

Quoth the Gov'mint Evermore

They say that it's the smart and the progressive thing to do.

They say the founding fathers would have done it this way, too.

They say that not to do it would hurt our economy.

They say that it's for national and world stability.

They say “only while we need it,” and promise that's not long.

They say “you should agree unless you're doing something wrong.”

They tell me that it's justified, 'cause we're under attack.

I say give me Liberty or give the statue back.

That's What She Said

Nice to meet you.

That's really interesting.

Yeah, I guess I could eat.

I look forward to seeing you again.

You really do write a lot, don't you?

Oh, that feels so good. Please don't stop.

It's perfect! I can't believe you actually found it!

He's your best friend. Of course I want to meet him.

You're a better listener than my ex. And other stuff, too.

We don't have to go out every Saturday. I like staying in.

I think we should get a dog. I always wanted to have a dog.

Hawaii? Of course! I'd love to go. I haven't had a vacation in ages.

I'm always talking to my parents about you. They really want to meet you.

You don't have to worry about looking like a nerd. It's interesting, and I love you.

I know he's your best friend, but can't you even go a week without seeing him?

I can't believe I'm dating a man who thinks Picasso is just “okay.”

Why are you always watching those stupid detective shows?

Do you have to spend so much time writing?

How come we don't go out on Saturdays?

Why can't you dress like my ex did?

My friends don't like you.

It's not you, it's me.

(“You can keep the dog.”

That's what she didn't say.)

It's Too Hard to Act My Age

I can still taste that fateful kiss,

The distinct scent of disappointment,

Or maybe it was just stale beer,

The natural flavor of adolescent memories

Dismissed, discounted and discouraged as a matter of course.

I have tasted worse.

Keep Me Waiting

I never said there's anything wrong

With keeping me waiting.

Modern live is close to becoming

Just a series of lines we acquiesce to standing it,

But now that I'm openly wondering

How long I will continue acquiescing,

You tell me.

How patient can you afford to be?

Eyes Meet

Sometimes eyes meet at an intersection

(Hopefully not literally; that tends to be

Sort of a train-wreck, but with cars),

Passing so fast that they don't so much meet

As coincide,

Which is not as bad as when they linger too long.

That makes me want to cover my eyes.

Sometimes, there really is no meeting.

One turns away too early, and the other too late,

and sometimes, it seems just right,

and it seems like more have met than just eyes,

But no matter how it happens, I always wonder

“What was she thinking?”

Matilda

A first bear is a confusing thing.

When you find it twenty years later,

And it almost fits in the palm of your hand.

The first bear is for the time

When it doesn't look much smaller than you.

I don't know how long mine was my favorite toy,

Because I don't remember a time

When it was a relevant part of my life.

The musical movement still works,

It just doesn't sing to me anymore.

Keep Your Friends Close...

This world is full of whimsical woe,

Like the flying needles to stick me while I mow,

Two and a half kingdoms of life than can fly,

and quarter-ton steel sculptures that will eat you alive.

O world, I cannot hold thee close enough,

Owing to my lack of trust.

Shared Hangover–Humility and the Walk of Shame

As I water my heart with the fermented grain,

It trickles down but not up–reaches low, not high brains,

So that neither sense nor amour grows, but only appetite for fall.

It seems I don't water my heart at a watering hole at all,

and having for one night supported you on drink but no food,

For a second, I wonder what I nourished in you.

The Comedown–Radical Humor Coincident With Humility's Return

I drink to descend to the civilized world–

In essence, to play well with most boys and girls,

But it turns out that as my brain gets wetter and wetter,

My capacity to fake normal takes an injurious fall,

So that spirits help me understand my own delusions better,

and do not bring me closer to the greater hive, at all.

Written Before the Hangover and Humility's Return

I don't drink to get away, honestly.

Escape is why God invented TV.

No, I drink to walk away from myself with a swagger.

What I swallow as sauce is humility's dagger,

and it slows me down, 'til my brain works like regular folks',

So that we get along, and I laugh at their jokes.

Delay, Deny, Evade and Avoid

Delay, deny, evade and avoid

Are my motto, and also my rules.

Delay, deny, evade and avoid

Will get me through the day.

Delay, deny, evade and avoid

Gets you out of more work than to

Concede, confess, expose and accept,

and who knows what else you might get to do

While you delay, deny, evade and avoid?

Conservative Playcalling vs. the Quick-Kick

I've watched the clock

Spin my workday

In endless concentric circles.

I've marked time to the end

Of many an elective class.

I've gone into halftime

With a four-touchdown lead,

and run the clock out to the end,

But never before had I chosen

To run out the clock on a relationship.

The Corner of My Eye

I was walking by the river,

and you caught the corner of my eye.

You apologized all the way to the hospital,

Because you're a better woman

Than you are a fisherwoman,

and together we learned

That the quickest way to a man's heart

Is through his bloodstream.

The Dangers of Using Conventions On a Poet, Pt. 2

Watch yourself. You can't just sit around

Staring at yourself in the mirror all day.

Enjoy your chair while it lasts,

Because pretty soon, you'll be out on your butt.

You gotta grab the bull by the horns,

Because if you mess with the bull, you'll get 'em.

One Foot Out the Door

With one foot out the door,

I make sure you're behind me,

That you're still there with me,

Leaving to stay together,

In a rush to make new memories

So that we have something to share,

Or something to take with us.